Wit & Wisdom of Golf

[Stan Nehilla]

A good one iron shot is about as easy to come by as an understanding wife.
~ Dan Jenkins

[tincup]

No matter how short the par-3, never line up the logo when you tee up your ball or plumb-bob the hole with your wedge

[Stan Nehilla]

The older you get the stronger the wind gets... and it's always in your face.
~ Jack Nicklaus

[tincup]

"Doctor, we've got an emergency! My baby just swallowed my golf tees."

"I'll be there at once."

"But tell me what to do till you get here, doc?"

"Practice your putting."

[Stan Nehilla]

The most important shot in golf is the next one.
~ Ben Hogan

[tincup]

Bill and Ralph were approaching the first tee. Ralph goes into his golf bag to get a ball and says to his friend, "Hey, why don't you try this ball." He draws a green golf ball out of his bag. "You can't lose it."

Bill replies, "What do you mean you can't lose it?" Ralph replies, "I'm serious, you can't lose it. If you hit it into the woods, it makes a beeping sound, if you hit it into the water it produces bubbles, and if you hit it on the fairway, smoke comes up in order for you to find it."

Obviously, Bill doesn't believe him, but Ralph shows him all the possibilities until he is convinced. Bill says, "Wow! That's incredible! Where did you get that ball!"

Ralph replies, "I found it."

[Stan Nehilla]

Concentration comes out of a combination of confidence and hunger.
~ Arnold Palmer

[tincup]

The argumentative drunk in the club bar had been looking for a fight all afternoon since losing his game. Finally he threw a punch at the player on the nearest bar stool. He ducked and the drunk, losing balance, fell off his stool and onto the floor. By the time he'd disentangled himself from bar stools and dusted himself off, his opponent had left.

"D'ya see that, barman.'" he complained. "Not much of a fighter was he?"

"Not much of a driver either, sir. He's just driven over your clubs," said the barman gazing out the window.

[Stan Nehilla]

A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will consist of a football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted murderer and a tax agent -- or some similar combination.

[tincup]

Matter can be neither created nor destroyed, but it can be bent double, broken in half, stomped on, and hurled a considerable distance