Wit & Wisdom of Golf

[tincup]

Swing hard in case you hit it.
~ Dan Marino

[Stan Nehilla]

A routine is not a routine if you have to think about it.
~ Davis Love Jr.

[tincup]

It's a funny thing, the more I practice the luckier I get.
~ Arnold Palmer

[Stan Nehilla]

Talking to a golf ball won't do you any good, unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off.
~ Bruce Lansky

[tincup]

Rule exceptions in my fantasy world:

Cruel and Unusual Hazards

The following extreme water hazards and improper bunkers are deemed to constitute an unwarranted and impermissible interference with due and rightful play, and a player may replay a shot that is hit into any such water hazard, or throw his ball out of any such bunker, without assessing a stroke or incurring any penalty:

1. Any water hazard that, in order to be cleared, requires a ball to carry over it in the air for a distance of 150 yards or more with no possibility of a lay-up shot or safe play

2. Any lateral water hazard toward which a fairway has been purposely graded or sloped so that a ball will roll or bounce into it even if, as a result of a benign spin or favourable curve applied to the ball at the time it was struck, it should have easily avoided the hazard

3. Any bunker so situated in a fairway that no part of it is visible from the teeing ground, regardless of whether the bunker was accurately depicted in a schematic diagram of the hole on a scorecard or sign

4. Any bunker having a lip of overhanging earth, turf, or greensward a foot or more in thickness, or a retaining wall of stone or wood a club length or more in height, or stairs or a ladder for entry or exit, or an overall depth such that the surface of the putting green is above the eye level of a player standing on the sand within it

5. Any bunker that has been formally given or is generally referred to by an ominous or intimidating name (e.g., Devil's Sandbox).

[Stan Nehilla]

Golf is just a game - and an idiotic game most of the time.
~ Mark Calcavecchia

[tincup]

In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft; today, in civilized society, it is called golf.

[tincup]

The straightest iron shot of the day will be exactly one club short

[Stan Nehilla]

There are three roads to ruin; women, gambling, and golf. The most pleasant is with women, the quickest is with gambling, but the surest is with golf.
~ Andrew Perry

[DC#1]

I like the one about the iron coming up a club short. If that isn't the truth.