Golf Sim Clubhouse Forum

The lady golfer was a determined, if not very proficient player. At each swipe she made at the ball earth flew in all directions.

"Gracious me," she exclaimed red-faced to her caddie, "the worms will think there's an earthquake."

"I don't know," replied the caddie, "the worms round here are very clever. I'll bet most of them are hiding underneath the ball for safety."

The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has.
- Will Rogers

Golf balls are like eggs. They're white, they are sold by the dozen, and a week later you have to buy more.

I don't fear death, but I sure don't like those three-footers for par.
~ Chi Chi Rodriguez

Brand new golf balls are attracted to water, and the power of the attraction is in direct proportion to how much the balls cost.

The harder you try to keep your ball from landing in a particular place, the more certain it is to go there

If you had to get up at five in the morning, got paid peanuts for working like a dog outdoors the whole day in all kinds of weather, and then took a lot of crap from a bunch of jerks, where would you put the pins?

Golf is an expensive way of playing marbles.

Unlucky Sam

Dame Fortune was seldom kind to Sam . Although Sam had a real zest for life he was constantly beset by bad luck. He loved poker but poker did not love Sam; he played the stock market with great anticipation but always seemed to be the one who bought high and sold low. His life seemed to be full of more downs than ups.

His greatest delight was his golf game. Not that Sam was a great golfer; in fact, he never managed to break 100, but the odd shot that somehow ended up in the general area he had in mind was enough to keep his hopes alive. Finally Sam became ill and passed away. But just before he died, he asked that his remains be cremated and his ashes be scattered just off the fairway on the ninth hole of his home course.

Accordingly, a gathering assembled to carry out Sam's wishes. It was a bright sunny day and was going well. Then, as the ashes were being strewn .... a gust of wind came up and ... blew Sam out of bounds.

How is golf like fishing?
Both mysteriously encourage exaggeration.