Golf Sim Clubhouse Forum

As with all of us, I can relate to many things on these list.

Mulligan’s Quantum Theory of Golf Links

-A stroke does not occur unless it is observed by more than one other golfer.

-99.99% of all matter is empty space, but that last .01% will stop a golf ball dead.

-If your ball disappears in the fairway of a blind hole, it is probably because it rolled into an anti-divot and vaporized.

-Time can run backwards if there are women on the course.

-If the moon had an evenly dimpled surface and a rubber core, a couple of Out-of-Bounds stakes could pull it out of its orbit.

-Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two triple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.

-The most difficult lie in golf is a ball sitting in the dead center of the fairway, 150 yards from the pin.

-You can hit a two acre fairway 10% of the time and a two inch branch 90% of the time.

-No matter how short the par three, the drive is never a gimme.

-Out of Bounds is always on the right.

-Two thirds of the holes are uphill.

-The practice putting green is either half as fast or twice as fast as all the other greens.

-If you are the only who improves his lie, it’s cheating. However, if you all improve your lies, it’s a perfectly reasonable adjustment of obviously unfair playing conditions.

-There is no ground that couldn’t use a little repair.

-It is always winter somewhere.

The Clubs

-No one with funny head covers ever broke par.

-If swinging the club really was as simple and natural as, say, swinging a hammer, Phil Mickelson would be making $8.47 an hour.

-If it really made sense to “Let the club do the work”, you would just say “Driver, wedge to the green, one-putt” and walk to the next tee.

-Your straightest iron shot of the day will be exactly one club short.

-If you want to hit a 7-iron as far as John Daly does, simply play to lay up short of a water hazard.

-The lowest numbered club in your bag will always be impossible to hit. E.g., if you leave your 2-iron at home, then your 3-iron will become impossible to hit. If you leave your 2-iron and 3-iron at home, then your 4-iron will be the impossible to hit club.

-When you select a club for a shot to the green, there are three possible outcomes:
1. It’s the right club, but you change your mind
2. It’s the right club, but in the middle of your backswing, you decide it’s the wrong club, so you hit it too hard or too easy.
3. It’s the wrong club.

- SD=SB*H … The speed of a player’s downswing (SD) is equal to the speed of his backswing (SB) times his handicap (H). Example: Backswing 40 mph, handicap 20, downswing 800 mph.

-There is no movement in golf so difficult that it cannot be made even more difficult by careful study and diligent practice.

-Any swing drill or shot-making tip that you just couldn’t get the hang of during a one-hour lesson will be immediately mastered by the first player you describe it to.

-Whatever you leave out of your bag is the one thing you will need. E.g., if it is band-Aids, you will develop a blister. If it is rain gear, it will pour. If it is a spare glove, yours will tear on the fifth hole.

-The number of tees in your bag is always less than three or more than 600.

-No matter how far its shaft extends, a ball retriever is always a foot too short to reach the ball.

-Knowing the swing weight of your club is as indispensable to playing golf as knowing the temperature of the grass in the fairway.

-There are two things you can learn by stopping your backswing at the top and checking the position of your hands:
1. How many hands you have.
2. Which one is wearing the glove.

-If you seem to be hitting your shots straight on the driving range, it is probably because you’re not aiming at anything.

-The only thing of real value that you can take from the driving range to the first tee is a pocketful of range balls.

-Few golfers are born with a natural talent for hitting the ball, but every player is blessed with the God-given ability to throw a club.

-All of the basic movements of a perfectly executed pivot can easily be duplicated by using a forceful turning motion of your body to toss a bag full of clubs into a pond.

-A two-foot putt counts the same as a two-foot drive.

-You can hit the ball 75 yards with any club in the bag.

-You really only need four clubs to hit every bad shot in golf.

The Ball

-Hazards attract; fairways repel

-No animal will ever steal your ball from a bunker.

-It’s a simple matter to keep your ball in the fairway if you’re not too choosy about which fairway.

-The harder you try to keep your ball from landing in a particular place, the more certain it is that it will go there.

-You can put your ball in even the smallest fairway bunker if you aim at it.

-A ball will always come to rest halfway down a hill, unless there is sand or water at the bottom.

-A ball will always seek the lowest possible point in which to lie… so long as that point is not a perfectly round hole 4.5 inches in diameter and four inches deep.

-A ball hit to the wrong green will always land two feet from the hole.

-The only time your ball ever bites is when it lands 30 feet short.

-A practice ball hit from a bunker in disgust after a flubbed explosion will always stop right next to the pin.

-For most golfers, the only difference between a one-dollar ball and a three-dollar ball is two dollars.

-You can put “draw” on the ball, you can put “fade” on the ball, but no golfer can put “straight” on the ball.

-A ball hit into the rough will always disappear between two identical shrubs.

-If you can’t find your ball in the rough, but you do find another ball nearby that you could easily play, it will be orange, yellow or pink.

-A ball you searched for for five minutes will be found in five seconds by a player in the first foursome behind you.

The Ball ! " You can put your ball in even the smallest fairway bunker if you aim at it " I disagree. I go in them no matter how I try to avoid them. Play a draw , hit a slice or vice versa. Bunkers are magnetized.

The Four Forces of Golf Ball Physics

1. Gravity, which causes the ball to drop suddenly into hazards and deep rough.

2. Electromagnetism, which makes it curve sharply towards whichever of the earth’s poles is closest to the right side of the fairway.

3. The Weak Force, which makes it dribble to the edge of the ladies tee.

4. The Strong Force, which propels it directly toward a foursome of lawyers in the next fairway.

Left, right, straight. One of my favorite sayings is that "if you hit the ball left, it's a draw. If you hit the ball right it's a fade. If you hit the ball straight it's a miracle."

I've witnessed my Dad get 3 hole in ones...

Each time, I would yell "Oh Man it went into the hole"

and I would hear this in return

"Hell , thats where I was aiming"

I love it still to this day playing golf with that rascal! 69 years old and still can shoot under par.! Shot his age when he was 63, 66 and 68.... And he and I and two others won
the city tournament two years in a row.... Man I will always remember those days....Great memories

(Sorry Dar for posting on this thread)

I don't think Dar will mind.
This area is for off topic discussion.
All thoughts are welcome.

Mulligan’s Laws of Motion

-No matter how precarious or unstable its lie, a ball at rest will tend to remain at rest until the moment it is addressed.

-A ball will always travel farthest when hit in the wrong direction.

-The frequency with which balls are lost increases as the available supply decreases.

-Every distortion in the flight of the ball toward its target produces an equal and opposite contortion in the body of the player who hit it.

-No putt ever got longer as the result of a ball being marked.

-Spike marks in the path of an off-line putt will never deflect the ball into the hole.

-A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.

-If there is a ball in the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your ball is the one in the bunker.

-If both balls are in the bunker, yours is the one in the foot print.

-You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it retrieve your ball.

-An extra ball in the pocket is worth two strokes in the bush.

-A penny saved is an excellent ball marker.