Wit & Wisdom of Golf

[Stan Nehilla]

Golf Dictionary

Ball - A dimpled, rubber-covered, solid- or composite-cored, high-compression sphere with a weight of 1.62 ounces and a diameter of 1.68 inches that will enter a cup 4.25 inches in diameter and 4.0 inches deep after an average of 3.87 putts.

[tincup]

It's often necessary to hit a second drive to really appreciate the first one.

[Stan Nehilla]

Golf Dictionary

Ballwasher - Golfers who have "brushed up" on their tee tactics know that in addition to removing dirt from balls, the ubiquitous ballwasher also has a squeaky plunger that can be operated during an opponent's set up to make certain that he or she is "in a lather" when the ball is hit, and they've learned that the pipe the machine is mounted on will produce a nerve racking, swing-wrecking gong-like tone if struck with a clubhead, guaranteeing that their competitor's drive is a "washout" and that if any money is riding on the hole, they will "clean up."

[tincup]

Rule exceptions for seniors

Paranoid Shot

If upon addressing his ball a player notices that one of his fellow players is standing slightly in front of him, even if that player is well off to the side of the hole, far from his likely line of play, and out of his field of vision, and he elects to proceed with his play without requesting him to move and then screws up his shot, he may replay it without penalty, provided he states convincingly that the misplay was precipitated by an apprehension or nervous concern that his ball could conceivably hit that player, even if it would have required a stupendously errant or deeply peculiar shot to put him at risk.

[tincup]

If you brought it, you won't need it; if you need it, you didn't bring it

[Stan Nehilla]

Golf Dictionary

Banana Ball - 1. An especially curvaceous slice. A ball that starts to the right and continues to curve right until it nearly lands behind the golfer who hit it. This shot is one reason why the word fore is heard on the golf course nearly as often as more notorious four-letter words. 2. Formal dance at an exclusive WASP country club.

[Stan Nehilla]

Golf Dictionary

Barky - When one of your shots strikes a tree and you still make par for the hole, you have made a barky. Golfers often include a barky as one of their junk bets during a match.

[tincup]

The reason so many golfers take up fly fishing is that the motion of casting with the rod is easily mastered by anyone who ever threw a club.

[tincup]

The reason you do so well at the driving range is because it's really not that hard to hit the horizon in regulation.

[Stan Nehilla]

Golf Dictionary

Be right - An urgent request a golfer makes of his ball during its flight to the green, usually occurring when the ball appears to be on line with the flagstick and the only doubt is whether the right club was used. The phrase is also used frequently by caddies who want to keep their jobs.