Wit & Wisdom of Golf

[tincup]

The reason golf is so popular is that it gives people cooped up in the office all week and chance to lie and cheat outdoors.

[Stan Nehilla]

LAW 17: The person you would most hate to lose to will always be the one who beats you.

[tincup]

Always concede a putt if the ball cannot be marked without the coin falling into the cup

[Stan Nehilla]

LAW 18: The last three holes of a round will automatically adjust your score to what it really should be.

[Stan Nehilla]

LAW 19: Golf should be given up at least twice per month.

[tincup]

A chip shot will always travel one-third of the distance to the hole, or twelve-thirds of the distance

[Stan Nehilla]

LAW 20: All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only until the sunset of the same day

[tincup]

To hit a really awful shot in golf, mere incompetence is not enough. You really need an audience.

[tincup]

The key to mastering the short shots is to make sure you don't start hitting them until you get within 100 yards of the green

[Stan Nehilla]

Top 10 signs your partner is a murderer

10. You start out as a foursome and end up a duo

9. He celebrates his hole-in-one by strangling a squirrel

8. Claims his ball was planted in the sand trap by Mark Fuhrman

7. When he yells "Fore!" people really pay attention

6. Always wants to bet $8.5 million a hole

5. Gets really jumpy whenever anyone goes near his golf bag

4. When you drive into the rough, he says, "You play golf about as well as Marcia Clark prosecutes!"

3. His last partner was found hanging off the little windmill at the local putt-putt

2. When you ask, "What's your handicap?" he says, "Violent paranoid schizophrenia"

1. His caddy: A.C. Cowlings