Wit & Wisdom of Golf

[Stan Nehilla]

In his prime, Seve Ballesteros was a very aggressive player knowing that he could take uncanny risks because of his incredible short game.

He was an phenomenal putter.

One time when asked by a writer to translate "lag putt" into Spanish,
he thought for several moments then asked,

" What is a lag putt?"

[Stan Nehilla]

In The Rough

Mac and Jimmy are playing a challenging new course and as usual Mac is having a tough time off the tee.

On the 6th hole he hits a huge banana ball.
"Did you see where that drive went...is it in the rough?"
he asks.
"Sort of " says Jimmy. "How far in?" asks Mac.

" I'm not sure, but I hope our cart has 4-wheel drive"

[tincup]

If a golfer wishes to give you a blow-by-blow account of his round, ask him to start with his final putt on the 18th green.

[Stan Nehilla]

A young man and a priest are playing together.

At a short par-3 the priest asks, "What are you going to use on this hole my son?"
The young man says, "An 8-iron, father. How about you?"
The priest says, "I'm going to hit a soft seven and pray."

The young man hits his 8-iron and puts the ball on the green. The priest tops his 7-iron and dribbles the ball out a few yards.

The young man says, "I don't know about you father, but in my church when we pray, we keep our head down."

[tincup]

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

"Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"

"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?

The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking and golf."

[Stan Nehilla]

Bus

At a municipal golf course, a foursome approached the tee of the 430-yard, par-4 sixth hole. The long, straight fairway ran along a road that was fenced on the right.

The green was slightly to the left of the straightaway with another road paralleling the green from which golfers often received heckler calls.

The first golfer teed off with a long ball slice in the direction of the road. The ball went over the fence, bounced 150 yards down the road, where it hit the tire of a moving city bus and was knocked back on to the golf course stopping just 10 yards short of the green.

As they all stood in amazement, a fellow golfer asked,
"How on earth did you do that?"
The response came without hesitation, "You have to know the bus schedule."

[tincup]

If a good course is one where you play to your handicap or better and a bad course is one where you struggle to break 100, why are there so many bad courses ?

[Stan Nehilla]

Local Rules

Among the more interesting rules at Willie Nelson personal Golf Club in Austin, Texas is that no more than 12 people are allowed in each foursome. And there is no such thing as a lost ball, because sooner or later someone is going to find it.

[tincup]

Rule exceptions for seniors

Audible Interference with Swing

A player may replay his shot without assessing a stroke if at any time during his backswing or downswing, and prior to the moment when he strikes his ball, he shall hear a distracting sound or noise, including, but not limited to (a) a horn, siren, bell, gong, or chime, (b) a backfire, tire squeal, or engine whine, (c) a cheer, shout, groan, or whoop; (d) a bang, clap, crack, crash, slam, or snap; (e) a blast, rumble, or roar; (J) a thud, click, clunk, rattle, or clatter; (g) a bark, bellow, whinny, bleat, or howl; (h) a squawk, quack, cackle, cluck, chirp, honk, mew, or coo; (i) a cough, hiccup, sniffle, snort, or sneeze; or (j) a giggle, chuckle, chortle, snicker, or guffaw.

[Stan Nehilla]

Venturi

I told him to hit and run backwards.

Ken Venturi's advise to a duffer who wanted to put more distance between himself and his shots.