Wit & Wisdom of Golf

[Stan Nehilla]

The longest drive ever is 515 yards. The longest putt ever is a monstrous 375 feet.

[tincup]

Rule exceptions for seniors

Recent Instruction

If a player who has taken a formal lesson from a licensed golf teacher or club professional on the same day that he commences a stipulated round of golf approaches his ball in an oddly studied manner prior to hitting it, or addresses it with exaggerated concentration, or aligns himself along his target line with elaborate care, or waggles his club an excessive number of times, or interrupts his practice swing to examine the position of his elbows, arms, or upper body, or obsessively and repeatedly shifts the placement of his hands or feet, or noticeably alters the speed, plane, or length of his swing, or makes any other visible modifications in his characteristic style of play, and he then hits an unsatisfactory shot, he may replay it without assessing a stroke, provided that he clearly attributes the mis-hit to ineffective and inappropriate instruction and immediately abandons all of his recent innovations and returns to his traditional game.

[Stan Nehilla]

Phil Mickelson, who plays left-handed, is actually right handed. He learned to play golf by mirroring his father's golf swing, and he has used left handed golf clubs ever since.

[Stan Nehilla]

The chances of making two holes-in-one in a round of golf are one in 67 million.

[tincup]

Taking more than two putts to get down on a lightning-fast, steeply-sloped green is no embarrassment unless you had to hit a wedge between putts.

[DC#1]

The number of swear words increases exponentially with the number of bad shots in a row.

[bryce]

"Jumping out of a moving golf cart is inappropriate at any time. However, if you are losing, it provides a solid excuse!"

unknown

[Stan Nehilla]

Tiger Woods snagged his first ace at the tender age of eight.

[tincup]

Bob Is sitting in the clubhouse with an ice pack on his throat, Ron walks over and asked what happened. Bob said in a hoarse voice it happened when i was golfing. Ron asked how could you hurt your throat golfing.?? Bob explains on the first tee he joined up with a couple of nice ladies, on the second hole one of the ladies hit her ball close to the fence line keeping the cows out of the course. They proceed to look for quite a long time. There was a cow standing right along the fence line and Bob decides to lift up the Cows tail and look for the ball. Sure enough there was a golfball in the cows a**. So Bob , holding up the cows tail asks the lady if this looks like hers, she proceeds hit him in the throat with her 9 iron

[Stan Nehilla]

Balls travel significantly further on hot days. A golfer swinging a club at around 100 mph will carry the driver up to eight yards longer for each increase in air temperature of 25° F.