Wit & Wisdom of Golf

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A hungry dog hunts best.
~ Lee Trevino

[Stan Nehilla]

A stroke does not occur unless it is observed by more than
one golfer.

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Bad Sausage and five bogeys will give you a stomach ache every time.
~ Miller Barber

[Stan Nehilla]

I had forgotten which course my friend said to meet him on and called, only to have his secretary said, "I'm sorry he's away from his desk right now."
Knowing she'd never admit where he really was, I asked, "Tell me, is he 10 miles way from his desk or 22 miles away ?"

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The most important shot in golf is the next one.
~ Ben Hogan

[bryce]

I got this one in an email:

A Few Notes for Golfers

* Golf balls are like eggs ~ they're white. They're sold by the dozen
.... and a week later you have to buy more.

* A pro-shop gets its name from the fact that you have to have the
income of a professional golfer to buy anything in there.

* It's amazing how a golfer who never helps out around the house will
replace his divots, repair his ball marks, and rake his sand traps.

* When you stop to think about it, did you ever notice that it's a lot
easier to get up at 6:00 a.m. to play golf than at 10:00 to mow the
yard or go to church?

* Golf is by far the ultimate love / hate relationship. Sometimes it
seems as though your cup runneth and moveth over.

* It takes longer to learn good golf than it does brain surgery. On the
other hand, you seldom get to ride around on a cart, drink beer and eat
hot dogs while performing brain surgery.

* A good drive on the 18th hole has stopped many a golfers from giving
up the game.

* Water hazards are no walk in the park for fish, turtles, frogs or
alligators either.

* Golf is the perfect thing to do on Sunday because you always end up
praying a lot.

* A good golf partner is one who's always slightly worse than you.

* That rake by the sand trap is there for golfers who feel guilty about
skipping out on lawn work.

* If there's a storm rolling in, you'll be having the game of your
life.

* If your opponent has trouble remembering whether he shot a six or a
seven, he probably shot an eight.

* You probably wouldn't look good in a Green Jacket anyway! A
sweatshirt will do just fine!

* Golf appeals to the child in all of us. This is proven by our
frequent inability to count past the number 5.

* It's a simple matter to keep your ball in the fairway if you're not
choosy about which fairway.

* If profanity had any influence on the flight of a ball, most everyone
would play better.

* The greatest sound in golf is the Whoosh, Whoosh, Whoosh, of your
opponent's club as he hurls it across the fairway.

* A recent survey shows that of all jobs, caddies live the longest.
They get plenty of fresh air and exercise, and if there's ever a
medical emergency, a doctor is always nearby

[Stan Nehilla]

The score (or handicap) a player reports should always be
regarded as his opening offer.

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A man entered the bus, with both of his front pant pockets full of golf balls, and sat down next to a blonde. The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his bulging pockets. Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls." The blond continued to look at him thoughtfully and finally asked, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"

[Stan Nehilla]

Drive for show, Putt for dough, Shank for comic relief.
- Anon

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A country club didn't allow women on the golf course. Eventually, there was enough pressure that they decided to allow women on the course during the week.

The ladies were satisfied with this arrangement, formed a women's club, and became active. After about 6 months, the club board received a letter from the women's club complaining about the men urinating on the golf course. Naturally, they just ignored the matter. After another 6 months, they received another letter reminding them of the previous letter and demanding action. After due deliberation they sent the women a letter advising them that they had been granted equal privileges!