Wit & Wisdom of Golf

[Stan Nehilla]

Q: Are you a scratch golfer?
A: I sure am - every time I hit the ball I scratch my head and wonder where it went.

[tincup]

Official Records -
The history of golf is filled with the memorable accomplishments of the game's stars, but, alas, the more humble achievements of less skilled players often go unsung. The brief list below is an attempt to rectify this unfortunate state of affairs:

SHORTEST MISSED PUTT: .83 inch, Randall P. Huggins, 9th Green, Gossiping Pines C.C., Bedham, Mass., 1977.

LONGEST SUSTAINED SCREAM: 39 seconds, Liz Yownes, 8th tee, Tallulah Lake C.C., Los Nachos, Calif., 1982

SHARPEST SHAFT BEND IN ONE MOTION: 314°, A. McNaith 14th hole, Napping River C.C., Necco, Ont., 1968

FARTHEST THROWN CLUB: 86.4 yards, B. Bob Binger, wind mill hole, Tumbleweed Putt 'n' Sup, Zeno, Tex., 1974

[tincup]

Missing a short putt does not mean you have to hit your next drive out of bounds.
~ Henry Cotton

[Stan Nehilla]

The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf. It's almost a law.
~ H G Wells

[Stan Nehilla]

Once when I was golfing in Georgia I hooked the ball into a swamp. I went
in after it and found an alligator wearing a shirt with a picture of a little golfer on it.

~ Buddy Hackett

[tincup]

Golf is a game where guts and blind devotion will always net you absolutely nothing but an ulcer.
Tommy Bolt

[Stan Nehilla]

I've had a good day when I don't fall out of the cart.
~ Buddy Hackett

[tincup]

A Scot and an American were talking about playing golf during the various seasons of the year. "In most parts of the USA we cannot play in the winter time. We have to wait until spring," the American said.

"Why, in Scotland we can even play in the winter time. Snow and cold are no object to us," said the Scot.

"Well, what do you do; paint your balls black?" asked the American.

"No", said the Scot "we just put on an extra sweater or two."

[Stan Nehilla]

Golf is what you play when you're too out of shape to play softball.

[tincup]

The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody put a flagstick on top.
Pete Dye