The Clubhouse
-Nature abhors a half-empty locker.
-There’s always a doctor on the one pay phone.
-You can’t get to the bathroom without taking off your spikes.
-There are nicer towels on the ball washers.
-All they have is cream soda, diet Fanta, and cherry Gatorade.
-You always have the feeling you’ve already read the latest issue of any golf magazine.
-The guy in the next locker cracks his knuckles, smells like a bus and knows 1,100 golf jokes.
-The more exclusive the club, the greater the risk of food poisoning.
-Unless you are already bald, don’t use the comb in the jar of blue fluid.
-If the course is completely empty when you drive up, it’s because of an outing of 100 golfers is getting ready to tee off in a shotgun start.
-If you aren’t paired with the two jerks you saw unloading their clubs in the parking lot, it’s because there’s a couple from hell waiting for you on the putting green.
-No matter how early your tee time, there will always be a foursome in the middle of the first fairway.
-If you ever par the first three holes, you’ll have a 20-minute wait on the fourth tee.
-The only really useful golf tip is one given to the starter to get you out ahead of a mixed foursome.
-Never ask the pro if you need a new set of clubs.
-Don’t buy a putter until you have had a chance to throw it.
